Since I’ve only been alive for seventeen years (in a few months it’ll be eighteen, but that really doesn’t affect my point here), I haven’t had to make any huge life-altering decisions. I’ve enjoyed that fact. Trivial “teenage” drama suited me just fine. I took comfort in knowing that all I’d have to decide was which dress I’d like to wear to the Homecoming dance. Of course I knew that couldn’t continue on for much longer, but I still continued to ignore the impending date where I’d have to become an “adult”.
College. That’s all anyone seems to be talking about these days. Housing applications, financial aid, five-year plans. I miss the days where the biggest news was that Tommy held Debbie’s hand. Now it’s all about where I want to go vs. where I have the means to go. There’s financial factors mixed in with mild pressure from family which doesn’t match the pressure from friends; on and on it goes.
I don’t think I’m ready. I’m sure this is the normal feeling to have, but that doesn’t bring me much comfort. With day after day of college talk at least now I think I may have a relatively concrete idea of where I’ll be going/living this fall, but I still have my doubts. I’m a firm believer that with important decisions like these, you should be 100% confident. Obviously I’m no where near 100%. I’d be pushing it saying I’m at 90%.
My biggest fear is that ten years from now I’ll look back and say, “what the hell was I thinking?” There’s no way to guarantee that though. The best I can do is continue with my pro/con lists between my two top choices and let that decide it. It’s not scientific or anything, but it’ll have to do.